Wishes

When we were kids we used to have long wishlists. Some of our wishes became true, some not. But we never stopped wishing and took every chance to make one. Sometimes it was an event like christmas or our birthdays that made us sit, reflect on what we wanted and write it down. And sometimes a passing shooting star was all we needed to make a spontaneous one.

We used to wish for everything, from a chocolate cupcake with colorful sprinkles in a bakery to our parents never dying. The older we got, the shorter the wishlist became. For some of us the wishlist disappeared completely.

I still remember as a kid the words of my mother who, for each of her birthdays every year, had only this very same wish: health and me and my sisters happiness. As a kid the one thing I simply could not understand and that made me shake my little head, was why her wishlist was so short if it could be much longer...

Yesterday I was wondering where my wishlist was. I still have one. The only thing that changed are the wishes but the amount I guess is still the same. The cupcake is still a cupcake, but today I wish for a homemade one by the person I love. Taste doesn´t matter anymore, but the thought does. My parents never dying is still a wish and will always be one. Years ago the recipient of my wishlist was either God himself, although I have to admit that his address was never listed anywhere, or my parents, who were much easier to track down.

Today, I address my wishes to myself. And finding yourself can sometimes be as hard as finding God. But even if you have the feeling that there is no one you can address your wishes to, there is still you. The good thing is : I don´t have to wait for christmas anymore or for a shooting star - although I still look up and hope to see the latter every once in a while. And while a shooting star might cross your way every couple of years, you can create christmas everyday.

I do, I don´t or I don´t know

A young, handsome, italian man who is a regular at a lovely pink restaurant on the upper east side came for his usual espresso one morning. Until this day we had only exchanged the regular "hi & bye". This day I asked him how he was and he replied that he´s sad. I didn´t have much time to wonder about how we jumped from being professionally polite to being friendly intimate. But hearing him saying that, made me not only feel for him but also ask him immediately and without hesitation the ultimate question: why?

Today his girlfriend, that he loves, had broken up with him after two years of relationship. He had asked her to marry him. I didn´t quite know what came first: the break up part or the marriage but figured the question was as old and relevant as "the chicken or the egg" dilemma.

He showed me his hand where a missing ring was, at least to me, her answer. He was asking me for advice and me, being aware of the delicacy of such a situation, decided to ask him a question instead of giving him my answer.

She had not say yes, neither no. But to a question as clear as this one, isn´t everything but a clear and loud non hesitating yes, a clear and loud no?

A marriage , the institution that in the best case lasts a lifetime, raises fear in many people. What we all have in common is that we unconsciously know that it is easy to step in, hard to step out and that the hardest thing above all is to maintain it.

A clear yes is the fundament on which a marriage is built and the best chance to a possible "happily ever after". A hesitation is no fundament - even Sleeping Beauty, who had just woken up after a 100 years of sleep, was not sleepy at all when it came to answering this question.

Are we so desperately wanting to get married that we are willing to spend the rest of our lives with a person who simply doesn´t know? And can we ask from one to be faithful forever if this very same person shows us she cannot remain true to herself?