It was a cold November night a few years ago; one of those nights whose whispers, announcing the approaching snowfall, become louder and inevitably reach my ears, where the air is crisp, almost razor-sharp, cracking like a whip, where the smell of pure, chilled air fills my warm summery lungs and where the empty streets of New York City are filled with the sudden void of in between seasons.
I gently pulled my bed sheets, wakening the mild perfume of detergent, and laid my heavy head on the pillow, evenly spreading out my thoughts. With each passing moment, my body started to descend into the mattress while the day began its surrender - leaving me to the mysterious nothing yet to come...
My eyes were closed when the serenity was interrupted: a fast pacing storm of distinct pictures and vivid colors, of unique characters and dialogues, of old french music and moods as diverse as only a human soul can be, invaded my mind. Dense Inspiration at its purest hit me like a thunderbolt and took over everything that is me: It spread from my eyes to the tip of my fingers, adhered to my bones until they merged and rushed through my blood in a state of urgency, pushed its way through my veins and pumped up my heart.
I glared at the ceiling, gasping for air, pushed away the bed sheets I had wrapped myself in only moments earlier - its cozy warmth suddenly an obstacle. I jumped out of the bed, ran to the kitchen to prepare fresh coffee only to run immediately back to my bedroom where I slid the heavy window with all my strength and as fast as I could to let all the air in that I could possibly inhale while still surrounded by darkness. The light switch seemed to be yet another obstacle, but one I could live without overcoming. I prepared my desk that was facing the open window with the one thing that would be needed for the moments to come: a blank page on my laptop's screen. And when I finally sat down I looked up into the dark blue sky , greeted the moon and started to write.
I remember how I tried to write as fast as possible, led by the fear of losing the pictures in my head at any moment, led by the rage that my fingers could not type as fast as I could see and led by the rush of Inspiration still running through my veins that made my heart beat so fast that I would not breathe but gasp for air.
Four hours later: 'M4 - My Many Married Men' was born and I sat there in the darkness, my inspiration looking right at me.
10/27/2012
7/31/2012
Favorite Quotes
"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you learn to appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself...and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."
Marilyn Monroe
6/03/2012
The Idiot
Once upon a time a mother gave birth to an irresponsible, innocent, depending child. Year after year the child developed physically and therefore, year after year, the parent, or in the best case scenario the parents, would guide the child and teach him to become somewhat responsible, less innocent, but above all self-sufficient. In other words they would help him to develop mentally too.
At the end of the day, the more laws we allow to pass that take over our own responsibilities and consumer preferences, the less we will find ourselves responsible for our own lives. Incapable in the long run to be self-sufficient or act independently when not under Chaperone's protective wings. We would be more prone to manipulation before slowly but surely finding ourselves walking backwards, debase the parent and the education we enjoyed by becoming minors again trapped in the body of an adult. But isn't it marvelous that we are still granted the right to vote the next president?
.
In New York, a parent has exactly 18 years to prepare his child at his best for the 'Age Of Majority', in other words, the age of becoming a legal 'Adult': responsible for himself when it comes to almost everything but death, disease and alcohol.
To be more specific, according to the law a child needs 18 years to be mature enough to have a credit card, sex, a wedding AND the right to vote. But according to some other law, this very same adult needs an additional 3 years of life experience and turn 21 before being considered mature enough to drink alcohol in public. Vodka beats President 3:0.
Please note that Mother's 99% adult can indeed drink, drive and marry under legal age as long as under 'supervision'. But that's a different story...
Discrepancies aside, one way or the other, most children make it to the legal term of an 'adult' which is certainly more a matter of one way rather than the other; the inexorable march of time rather than the result of maturity.
And while parents and educational systems do as much as they can to raise a self-sufficient, independent thinking individual, laws nowadays shifted from protecting the individual from the harm of others to protecting the individual from himself - with the very best intentions in mind.
Wholefoods doesn't sell Diet Coke because it is not healthy for you. Try to find full fat yogurt, a never-ending Odyssey, because it is not healthy for you. In the midst of worldwide political crisis, somewhere between correction rape in South Africa and never ending unnecessary wars, Mayor Bloomberg has the glorious idea to ban supersize sodas because it is not healthy for you either. Smoking is banned from so many places, that it would be easier to designate the few one or two places where you can enjoy smoking. Same here: it is not healthy for you.
In a country that is known for both, its consumerism and its freedom, we suddenly find ourselves not free to consume as we please.
And while the marketing screams that the state cares for you, reality makes the city resemble more and more to an overbearing Chaperone who fines you, fights you in court and puts you behind bars if necessary - once more: with the best intentions in mind.
The latest addition to the Chaperone's resume being an ad I noticed in the subway station: A campaign that aims to shield youths from tobacco displays. Meaning: stores should hide the cigarettes they intend to sell, because according to a non specified research "...kids who shop at stores with tobacco marketing two
or more times a week are 64% more likely to start smoking than their
peers who don’t." Needless to say that questions about validity and research forms arise en masse.
I was on my quest for my own little test research. Being a legal adult for a few decades now, I decided to get in touch with the average New York 'minor' and catch up on my reading by purchasing the latest 'Star' Magazine. The 'Star' magazine being a celebrity news magazine in the same style as 'People' or 'US Weekly'. The sad truth, like it or not, is that gossip replaced Victor Hugo a long time ago.
Fact is that out of 74 pages, 23 pages are full page ads. And out of the 23 ads, two winners were crowned easily: TV shows advertising on 8 full pages followed very closely by 'How to drop 1 jean size in 2 weeks' ads on 7 full pages.
Let's assume for a short half minute that the laws I mentioned above are truly acting in our best interest. Let's assume the laws are right: If we see something we buy something. I can probably speak only for myself but I would definitely buy Starbucks coffee only, as I can see it on each block. I would also eat tons of street food and spend half of my paycheck on H&M before joining the US army as I am sure that deep inside of me, I am a hero too. I would also end up watching those TV shows like Tia & Tamera or Chicagolicious, with their complicated titles that invite for misspelling or copy/pasting and offer zero educational background. I would also believe that these reality TV shows are reality. And all the time I would be enjoying loosing fat at the speed of light. On the couch. But at least I would be a non smoker who doesn't drink diet coke.
.
6/01/2012
4/05/2012
Mud
How I despise the words of those who accused me of being happy
Accused as if it was simply a mark given by birth
Accused as if it was simply a seed of luck growing on my earth
Accused, accused, accused as if it was not me who turned happy
But happiness turned to me
Mud, mud, mud it was
Mud all over me
How I despise the words of those who accused me of being happy - as if by chance
Judgements of those too blind to see - kings and queens of ignorance
Bathing in the velvet throne of comfort, in a dark room separated from hope
Surrounded by a wall built by the sad remains of the hand cut last rope
Efforts unborn, already dead
Buried deep in muddy earth, left alone, they fled
Their hands seemed clean from mud, but their skin was dyed in red
Mud, mud, mud it was
Mud all over me
It was at dawn when fear came over you
When shadows grew tall and sight was taken from you to seek truth
When roads behind you suddenly disappeared
And in a starless night the endless unknown neared
It was at night when mud grabbed your feet
When each step ahead was one step too deep
When happiness you thought you know well
Was made of words you could not spell
And while you buried hope right there and then
I walked the road not knowing of its end
I walked the road in darkness, blind and by myself
With no hand to hold and fear my only friend
I sank, I sank, I sank my friend
Buried in mud, I died, it was an end
But darkness passed like a seasons change
My skin a crispy desert, newborn and strange
Murder, you who killed your spirit
An empty shell of life is what remained!
You who dress in life and judge is you who should be ashamed.
It is the mud that is my happiness
My hands are dirty for everyone to see
I am life - not more not less
The mud all over me.
Accused as if it was simply a mark given by birth
Accused as if it was simply a seed of luck growing on my earth
Accused, accused, accused as if it was not me who turned happy
But happiness turned to me
Mud, mud, mud it was
Mud all over me
How I despise the words of those who accused me of being happy - as if by chance
Judgements of those too blind to see - kings and queens of ignorance
Bathing in the velvet throne of comfort, in a dark room separated from hope
Surrounded by a wall built by the sad remains of the hand cut last rope
Efforts unborn, already dead
Buried deep in muddy earth, left alone, they fled
Their hands seemed clean from mud, but their skin was dyed in red
Mud, mud, mud it was
Mud all over me
It was at dawn when fear came over you
When shadows grew tall and sight was taken from you to seek truth
When roads behind you suddenly disappeared
And in a starless night the endless unknown neared
It was at night when mud grabbed your feet
When each step ahead was one step too deep
When happiness you thought you know well
Was made of words you could not spell
And while you buried hope right there and then
I walked the road not knowing of its end
I walked the road in darkness, blind and by myself
With no hand to hold and fear my only friend
I sank, I sank, I sank my friend
Buried in mud, I died, it was an end
But darkness passed like a seasons change
My skin a crispy desert, newborn and strange
Murder, you who killed your spirit
An empty shell of life is what remained!
You who dress in life and judge is you who should be ashamed.
It is the mud that is my happiness
My hands are dirty for everyone to see
I am life - not more not less
The mud all over me.
3/17/2012
The Mermaid
I was looking down at my necklace, holding the pendant of a little mermaid gently in the open palm of my hand.
She said: "That's cute! "
I replied: "It's a mermaid! When I was little, I used to believe that I was a mermaid. Nothing could convince me that I was not...I was never mad at people for not being capable to understand or willing to accept, so I mostly kept this precious secret to myself. Nothing could ever destroy or even touch this belief - not even the visible lack of a fishtail."
She said: "So what did finally convince you?"
"Nothing", I said and laughed.
I replied: "It's a mermaid! When I was little, I used to believe that I was a mermaid. Nothing could convince me that I was not...I was never mad at people for not being capable to understand or willing to accept, so I mostly kept this precious secret to myself. Nothing could ever destroy or even touch this belief - not even the visible lack of a fishtail."
She said: "So what did finally convince you?"
"Nothing", I said and laughed.
1/30/2012
Reasons To Hate New York
For 7 years, the New York magazine has been publishing 'Reasons to love New York'. The truth is that even though I love the city, it is not any different than a lover and therefore not perfect. But only once you acknowledge the imperfections, you can achieve acceptance or not, truly commit to the city and consider yourself as a New Yorker, who loves the city with flaws and all....
1_Attitude "I live in New York therefore I am important. You should know who I am. And in case you don't, I am more than happy to spell my name for you. Write it down and memorize."
2_Cracks Nuts 'The Nutcracker' performed by the New York City Ballet is considered by the New York magazine as 'our culture', written by Tchaikovsky and choreographed by Balanchine, who were both Russian just for the record. Anyone who has the slightest idea what an amazing merge this is, will be absolutely disappointed by the performance.
3_BK Myth Brooklyn is cool because Brooklyn is Brooklyn. Excuse me?
3_BK Myth Brooklyn is cool because Brooklyn is Brooklyn. Excuse me?
4_Cracks Brain Mental illness and Starbucks can be found on almost each block. With a broad range from PTSD, phobias, major depressions, bipolar syndrome, OCD, ADHD, substance abuse and more, it is not surprising that the top-selling class of drugs in the US are antipsychotics. Yes, the city is crazy.
5_Yellow Submarine The yellow cab shift change between 4-5 pm where it is impossible to get a cab, unless your destination is on his way home.
6_MTA = Morons Take Advantage The MTA charges us more every year and still doesn't manage to run on time when it rains, let alone snows. Instead there are service cuts. At least we know what we are paying for - with more than 10% of MTA employees earning more than a 100k a year.
7_Family Even though you have a live in nanny you send your kid to pre-pre-kindergarten.
8_Busy You don't have time, no matter what your job is , no matter if you have one: you are busy and that's why you slurp your stinky fish soup in the subway or stuff a sandwich in your mouth on the go while you're on the phone. Nail clipping included.
9_Addiction You can drug yourself up with over the counter medicine. Your dealer is officially legal.
10_Pee Pee Crime Public toilets are yet to be built, while public urinating is against the law. And when charged under the health code 153.09 it is a misdemeanor which is a crime under New York law. Pee pee goers are forced to be criminal.
11_Rent Is Too Damn High Living in Manhattan is expensive. Even though you can find a cheap room on Craigslist. Here is a typical ad: 'Location, location, location!The apartment is located in the basement of a town house in the fancy west village. Your room would be the first one in a railroad apartment. We are 8 super laid back folks who are looking for someone fun, quiet and clean. Vegans only.' Really?
12_Teach Me How To Doggie While the New York Dog law requires a rabies vaccination, it doesn't require your dog to wear a muzzle. But it's good to know that if i should get bitten, i won't have rabies. Thanks.
5_Yellow Submarine The yellow cab shift change between 4-5 pm where it is impossible to get a cab, unless your destination is on his way home.
6_MTA = Morons Take Advantage The MTA charges us more every year and still doesn't manage to run on time when it rains, let alone snows. Instead there are service cuts. At least we know what we are paying for - with more than 10% of MTA employees earning more than a 100k a year.
7_Family Even though you have a live in nanny you send your kid to pre-pre-kindergarten.
8_Busy You don't have time, no matter what your job is , no matter if you have one: you are busy and that's why you slurp your stinky fish soup in the subway or stuff a sandwich in your mouth on the go while you're on the phone. Nail clipping included.
9_Addiction You can drug yourself up with over the counter medicine. Your dealer is officially legal.
10_Pee Pee Crime Public toilets are yet to be built, while public urinating is against the law. And when charged under the health code 153.09 it is a misdemeanor which is a crime under New York law. Pee pee goers are forced to be criminal.
11_Rent Is Too Damn High Living in Manhattan is expensive. Even though you can find a cheap room on Craigslist. Here is a typical ad: 'Location, location, location!The apartment is located in the basement of a town house in the fancy west village. Your room would be the first one in a railroad apartment. We are 8 super laid back folks who are looking for someone fun, quiet and clean. Vegans only.' Really?
12_Teach Me How To Doggie While the New York Dog law requires a rabies vaccination, it doesn't require your dog to wear a muzzle. But it's good to know that if i should get bitten, i won't have rabies. Thanks.
13_Dirty Just because you drop your laundry at the cleaners, doesn't mean they use detergent.
14_Nature Calling small areas like Paley Park a 'park' even tough there are more potted plants than rooted trees.
14_Nature Calling small areas like Paley Park a 'park' even tough there are more potted plants than rooted trees.
15_Major Bloomberg Problem He who enacts laws depending on his vision of the city while not accepting pay for his labor. I say let's pay him so that he functions as our voice and not his. The price we pay is much higher than his salary.
16_Starfucks You have to tip even if there is no table service and you have a coffee to go.
17_Vacation The US doesn't have government-mandated time off. Means: no mandatory vacation days. A similar government: good old China.
18_Marc Jacobs Invasion 382 Bleecker Street, 385 Bleecker Street, 400 Bleecker Street, 403 Bleecker Street. Save Bleecker Street!
19_Mean Streets Bumps, holes and cracks ruin heels, make you want to puke in a cab and cause a lot of bike accidents.
20_Monolgues The loneliness that makes strangers talk to you even if they were not asked to. The worst part is that even if you ignore them, they keep talking. Sharing is not always caring.
21_Trash Album Living in a 3rd world country where garbage cans are not provided is one thing. But what does it say about the people of a city when there are plenty of garbage cans and still such an extensive amount of trash that tourists take pictures of it?
22_Smoking is not allowed in front of certain buildings even though the air of the city can cause cancer. Try prohibiting parking in front of certain buildings and I guarantee you a healthier life.
23_Visa While immigration becomes harder and harder with each year for foreigners with the best intentions, Bridge and Tunnel people still invade the city each weekend with loud nasty talks, fights and fake nails. Visa please.
24_Subway Grease the rails or fix the breaks - whatever it is that needs to be done because 'as little as 30 minutes of exposure to decibel levels measured in NYC transit system per day has the potential to result in hearing loss. ' (Columbia University, Mailman School research)
25_Sick You don't call sick unless you were hit by car so severely that you can't walk.
26_Slut Prostitutes were replaced by escorts. Illegal became legal and a new synonym for hooker was born.
27_Gristedes is gross.
28_Text you text, you don't call. Problem: you can text bullshit forever but you can't talk bullshit forever.
29_Vogue Elisabeth von Thurn und Taxis gets her column and can't write. When exactly did blue blood replace proficiency?
30_Freedom It is perfectly fine to have In Vitro Fertilization with the egg of a donor, the sperm of a donor, through a surrogate for a want-to-be-single mum at the age of 50.
End New York is the center of the world.
1/02/2012
Midnight in Paris
'All cowardice
comes from not loving
or
not loving well
- which is the same thing.'
Woody Allen
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)