Maverick

Your voice whispers blandly my name, 

Drowning the noises of a world I do not understand,

Appeasing my fire, guarding my flame, 

Treasuring clandestinity that neither you or I had planned...

Affinity expelled prudence the moment we met,

Rarely in times, ones own life song can be a duet, 

I dove in your loving gaze, fearless, perhaps I knew, 

That in the unknown depths I would find me within you.

 

Ingeniously you strike my hair as if you would touch my skin,

In the palm of your sweet hands I learned where I begin.

Your luscious scent, once inhaled, is addictive as air, 

Paired with your voluptuous kisses words fail to compare.

Forgive my voice, it lacks my words, my whisper is due,

Let me elucidate, this poem is just for you.

A Love Letter by Count Tolstoy

 

I already love in you your beauty, but I am only beginning to love in you that 
which is eternal and ever precious - your heart, your soul. 
Beauty one could get to know and fall in love with in one hour 
and cease to love it as speedily; 
but the soul 
one must learn to know. 
Believe me, nothing on earth is given without labour, 
even love, 
the most beautiful and natural of feelings.

Midnight in Paris

'All cowardice

comes from not loving

or

not loving well

- which is the same thing.'

Woody Allen

Love Weather

It might happen rarely, but it still does: we fall for someone and we fall deeply and truly. If we are lucky, the person feels the same way and falls for us too.

In a wonderful private place like that, where two people can create and share their very same deep feelings for each other, not only can it happen but it sooner or later will, that this little yet powerful place gets disturbed by misunderstandings or simply by a harsh world by which it is surrounded. In moments like this we can either run or stay. If we choose to run, where are we running to? Seeing it from a long term point of view, we probably will run into the arms of the next person with whom we will create another little peaceful place - a forest of love. We start all over again, hoping that the sky will always be clear and the weather always sunny. But even in the sunniest spots on earth: if there are no clouds over our heads, earthquakes will shake our feet...

And if we choose to stay? How long are we willing or should we stay until the storms are over? The regular weather channel is often wrong with its prognosis - and a love weather channel doesn´t exist for one good reason: it is as unpredictable as the weather itself. A wise person once asked: when is it enough? And he himself answered: never.

If we choose to stay we need to look at each other again. And the truth is that we look different everyday. And if we run, we simply look away.

If we stay, we try to stay in a little world that is changing constantly just like the bigger one by which it is surrounded. With every new morning we get a new chance to choose to look closer at each other and fall for each other again or walk away until the other person becomes blurry and disappears.

The truth is that if we don´t look at each other closely, we do not see each other at all. And how can we run from each other if we don´t know what we are running away from?

Lists

It all started in our childhoods with a seemingly innocent wishlist for Christmas. Growing up we overcame the legend of Santa more or less successfully and switched to the simple, easy to fulfill, grocery list. Both lists proved themselves as so useful that we created the famous to-do list which was soon to be followed by the sex-list and turned into the my-perfect-man list. Somehow it seemed we ended up right back where we started, addressing our lists to the very same person: Mr.Santa himself. Not a very reliable man, considering the fact that he works one day a year...

The "my-perfect-man list" can be anywhere between 3 words or 3000 words long and its single purpose is to describe HIM in order to let ourselves know what we are looking for, what it is we think we need and, last but not least, what we want in a man.

One of my girlfriends described this list as a female computer program that we install in our heads in order to successfully download a very special file. The better the program, the less chances of getting a virus. In order to settle, we need to swap from Windows to Mac.

This very same girlfriend used to have so far the most extended version of mpm (my perfect man) list I´ve ever seen in my life: very detail orientated, with rows and columns, categories like sports, religion, views on family, relation with close family etc...going all the way to sexual behavior, job, eye colour and even body hair quota and location.

Not a single category was left out. Everything was perfectly planned.

My friend indeed found her perfect man who was everything she thought she was looking for - her list only approved her decision: check, check, check. Barbie and Ken had finally found each other and it was pink all over.

Ken never left his soon to be ex-wife, whereas Barbie had not only her luggage packed but also her flight booked. Barbie was ready to go. Ken too - but unfortunately away from her.

I am still wondering what caused their break up. Did she left out a column on her list? I wish I could ask her about her own thoughts but Barbie left and the pink vanished while I am still here with the list I started a year ago and that I never ended....

There are things we know we need and others we know we don´t want. Very easy compared to the mpm list. For example: I know I need fresh cut flowers every now and then and I don´t want a liar. Everything else is in a grey zone and subject to change. Maybe we should leave it like that because maybe this grey zone is the only reason why there are still realtionships out there. Because maybe this grey zone is what compromising means: settling for something we don´t really care about.

I do, I don´t or I don´t know

A young, handsome, italian man who is a regular at a lovely pink restaurant on the upper east side came for his usual espresso one morning. Until this day we had only exchanged the regular "hi & bye". This day I asked him how he was and he replied that he´s sad. I didn´t have much time to wonder about how we jumped from being professionally polite to being friendly intimate. But hearing him saying that, made me not only feel for him but also ask him immediately and without hesitation the ultimate question: why?

Today his girlfriend, that he loves, had broken up with him after two years of relationship. He had asked her to marry him. I didn´t quite know what came first: the break up part or the marriage but figured the question was as old and relevant as "the chicken or the egg" dilemma.

He showed me his hand where a missing ring was, at least to me, her answer. He was asking me for advice and me, being aware of the delicacy of such a situation, decided to ask him a question instead of giving him my answer.

She had not say yes, neither no. But to a question as clear as this one, isn´t everything but a clear and loud non hesitating yes, a clear and loud no?

A marriage , the institution that in the best case lasts a lifetime, raises fear in many people. What we all have in common is that we unconsciously know that it is easy to step in, hard to step out and that the hardest thing above all is to maintain it.

A clear yes is the fundament on which a marriage is built and the best chance to a possible "happily ever after". A hesitation is no fundament - even Sleeping Beauty, who had just woken up after a 100 years of sleep, was not sleepy at all when it came to answering this question.

Are we so desperately wanting to get married that we are willing to spend the rest of our lives with a person who simply doesn´t know? And can we ask from one to be faithful forever if this very same person shows us she cannot remain true to herself?

Games

It is probably true that men love to chase women. And it is probably true that the more a woman seems uninterested, the more a man gets involved. The most effective way to seem uninterested is to be uninterested.

A woman who doesn´t care about a man, doesn´t try to be perfect. She is relaxed and comfortable with herself no matter what. She is just herself, which is attractive to most men. Why? Because it is less work for them. A man is smart enough to know that for one, it is hard day to day work trying to give you self-confidence that you are obviously lacking and two, that at the end of the day, self confidence needs to be built within oneself and cannot be injected by an outsider.

Once feelings start to take over the female personality, most of us care too much about everything we do and are. One would never choose pasta on the menu, as eating pasta without getting messy is as hard as avoiding under all circumstances to make a number 2 at his apartment. Fact is, none of it is avoidable. Sooner or later we would love to share spaghetti like in the Lady and the Tramp, and, yes, we would like to get rid of it if necessary.

All this is considered as part of the game, although games are supposed to be entertaining and I can´t see anything entertaining about a number 2 restriction. When did we stop having fun playing games?

Running

There was a time where people were running away when they felt fear in a possible life threatening situation. Scientists call it instinct. In our world today life threatening situations almost extinguished. But humans wouldn´t be humans if they wouldn´t find a replacement to re-excite life and come up with new so called life threatening situations to run away from... It wouldn´t be fair to our ancestors to call it the same though. I am wondering what a scientist would call it...People truly run, sometimes even sprint, from a touch, from the nearness of another one, and from themselves. But who would admit it?

Fear used to be initiated by an external event and today more than ever we are carrying it deep inside of us.

Men run away and hide when they have issues with women or with themselves. Whatever their issues are made of, we as women will never know. As a woman, you can do whatever you want to seek after a man. But well trained they are and masters of the game. No calls, no responses, no text, no email. Disappear into thin air. It really takes a master to be able to vanish in times where you have endless possibilities to communicate. This is not the old fashioned hide and seek game, but the modern egoistic version called hide and nothing.

Ladies: let them be. If there is a will, there is a way. If a man decides to disappear, he will. And if he decides to be visible and real, he will. Until then we can only hope that one day we will bump into a real man who is able to see us. Because if he is able to see us, he will love us, and if he truly does, he would want us to see him too and love him too. A man who chooses romance over nonsense. Romance at least takes you somewhere, while nonsense makes you go in circles.

The world turned upside down: in moments of endless fear we used to run towards those we loved to either feel safe in their presence or to hold hands and run away together. Today we run away from those we love - and we run alone.

Round Glasses

I was sitting on a bench in front of my favorite café. Thinking as usual. When my eyes crossed the eyes of an elder man with shoulder length, tousled, soft silverish hair...And for a second I was lost in his gaze. He had deep green eyes, the kind of green that reminds me of the color of the water surrounding Sardinia. His glance unified the wisdom, that comes with time and mistakes, and the glowing of a wildly life led by a free soul. His eyes were surrounded by perfectly round bright yellow plastic glasses. The person behind him turned around and looked at me too. It was his wife, she was wearing the same perfectly round glasses. And her hair was shoulder length, tousled and soft but not silverish. But in her gaze I didn´t get lost. In fact there was no gaze to get lost into. And while he was still smiling at me, they walked away and I thought that this must be marriage... If you´re fortunate, you end up looking like your husband and if you´re not blessed with a husband in NYC you´ll end up looking like your dog.

The Difference is Why

Ying and Yang

I love wearing dresses and high heels.

I love make-up for making me look great even when I feel shit.

I love to get lost in my big bag.

I love to cook for my beloved ones.

I love to polish my toenails cherry red.

I love my push up bra.

I love wearing gloves.

I love pampering myself.

I love watching happy-end-love-movies.

I love body lotion.

I love the smell of flowers.

I love being nurturing.

I love fashion magazines.

I love shopping.

I love dessert.

I love little creatures.

My Gentle Man should carry my parcels.

My Gentle Man should always offer his seat for a lady.

My Gentle Man is polite.

My Gentle Man always opens the door for me.

My Gentle Man always puts on my coat.

My Gentle Man helps me with my seat.

My Gentle Men offers his arm.

My Gentle Man is discreet - no "kiss&tell"

My Gentle Man is on time.

My Gentle Man accepts the bill discreetely.

My Gentle Man takes me in his arms.

My Gentle Man sends me flowers.

My Gentle Man knows what he wants.

My Gentle Man has courage.

My Gentle Man fights for me.

My Gentle Man is gentle to me.