For 7 years, the New York magazine has been publishing 'Reasons to love New York'. The truth is that even though I love the city, it is not any different than a lover and therefore not perfect. But only once you acknowledge the imperfections, you can achieve acceptance or not, truly commit to the city and consider yourself as a New Yorker, who loves the city with flaws and all....
1_Attitude "I live in New York therefore I am important. You should know who I am. And in case you don't, I am more than happy to spell my name for you. Write it down and memorize."
2_Cracks Nuts 'The Nutcracker' performed by the New York City Ballet is considered by the New York magazine as 'our culture', written by Tchaikovsky and choreographed by Balanchine, who were both Russian just for the record. Anyone who has the slightest idea what an amazing merge this is, will be absolutely disappointed by the performance.
3_BK Myth Brooklyn is cool because Brooklyn is Brooklyn. Excuse me?
3_BK Myth Brooklyn is cool because Brooklyn is Brooklyn. Excuse me?
4_Cracks Brain Mental illness and Starbucks can be found on almost each block. With a broad range from PTSD, phobias, major depressions, bipolar syndrome, OCD, ADHD, substance abuse and more, it is not surprising that the top-selling class of drugs in the US are antipsychotics. Yes, the city is crazy.
5_Yellow Submarine The yellow cab shift change between 4-5 pm where it is impossible to get a cab, unless your destination is on his way home.
6_MTA = Morons Take Advantage The MTA charges us more every year and still doesn't manage to run on time when it rains, let alone snows. Instead there are service cuts. At least we know what we are paying for - with more than 10% of MTA employees earning more than a 100k a year.
7_Family Even though you have a live in nanny you send your kid to pre-pre-kindergarten.
8_Busy You don't have time, no matter what your job is , no matter if you have one: you are busy and that's why you slurp your stinky fish soup in the subway or stuff a sandwich in your mouth on the go while you're on the phone. Nail clipping included.
9_Addiction You can drug yourself up with over the counter medicine. Your dealer is officially legal.
10_Pee Pee Crime Public toilets are yet to be built, while public urinating is against the law. And when charged under the health code 153.09 it is a misdemeanor which is a crime under New York law. Pee pee goers are forced to be criminal.
11_Rent Is Too Damn High Living in Manhattan is expensive. Even though you can find a cheap room on Craigslist. Here is a typical ad: 'Location, location, location!The apartment is located in the basement of a town house in the fancy west village. Your room would be the first one in a railroad apartment. We are 8 super laid back folks who are looking for someone fun, quiet and clean. Vegans only.' Really?
12_Teach Me How To Doggie While the New York Dog law requires a rabies vaccination, it doesn't require your dog to wear a muzzle. But it's good to know that if i should get bitten, i won't have rabies. Thanks.
5_Yellow Submarine The yellow cab shift change between 4-5 pm where it is impossible to get a cab, unless your destination is on his way home.
6_MTA = Morons Take Advantage The MTA charges us more every year and still doesn't manage to run on time when it rains, let alone snows. Instead there are service cuts. At least we know what we are paying for - with more than 10% of MTA employees earning more than a 100k a year.
7_Family Even though you have a live in nanny you send your kid to pre-pre-kindergarten.
8_Busy You don't have time, no matter what your job is , no matter if you have one: you are busy and that's why you slurp your stinky fish soup in the subway or stuff a sandwich in your mouth on the go while you're on the phone. Nail clipping included.
9_Addiction You can drug yourself up with over the counter medicine. Your dealer is officially legal.
10_Pee Pee Crime Public toilets are yet to be built, while public urinating is against the law. And when charged under the health code 153.09 it is a misdemeanor which is a crime under New York law. Pee pee goers are forced to be criminal.
11_Rent Is Too Damn High Living in Manhattan is expensive. Even though you can find a cheap room on Craigslist. Here is a typical ad: 'Location, location, location!The apartment is located in the basement of a town house in the fancy west village. Your room would be the first one in a railroad apartment. We are 8 super laid back folks who are looking for someone fun, quiet and clean. Vegans only.' Really?
12_Teach Me How To Doggie While the New York Dog law requires a rabies vaccination, it doesn't require your dog to wear a muzzle. But it's good to know that if i should get bitten, i won't have rabies. Thanks.
13_Dirty Just because you drop your laundry at the cleaners, doesn't mean they use detergent.
14_Nature Calling small areas like Paley Park a 'park' even tough there are more potted plants than rooted trees.
14_Nature Calling small areas like Paley Park a 'park' even tough there are more potted plants than rooted trees.
15_Major Bloomberg Problem He who enacts laws depending on his vision of the city while not accepting pay for his labor. I say let's pay him so that he functions as our voice and not his. The price we pay is much higher than his salary.
16_Starfucks You have to tip even if there is no table service and you have a coffee to go.
17_Vacation The US doesn't have government-mandated time off. Means: no mandatory vacation days. A similar government: good old China.
18_Marc Jacobs Invasion 382 Bleecker Street, 385 Bleecker Street, 400 Bleecker Street, 403 Bleecker Street. Save Bleecker Street!
19_Mean Streets Bumps, holes and cracks ruin heels, make you want to puke in a cab and cause a lot of bike accidents.
20_Monolgues The loneliness that makes strangers talk to you even if they were not asked to. The worst part is that even if you ignore them, they keep talking. Sharing is not always caring.
21_Trash Album Living in a 3rd world country where garbage cans are not provided is one thing. But what does it say about the people of a city when there are plenty of garbage cans and still such an extensive amount of trash that tourists take pictures of it?
22_Smoking is not allowed in front of certain buildings even though the air of the city can cause cancer. Try prohibiting parking in front of certain buildings and I guarantee you a healthier life.
23_Visa While immigration becomes harder and harder with each year for foreigners with the best intentions, Bridge and Tunnel people still invade the city each weekend with loud nasty talks, fights and fake nails. Visa please.
24_Subway Grease the rails or fix the breaks - whatever it is that needs to be done because 'as little as 30 minutes of exposure to decibel levels measured in NYC transit system per day has the potential to result in hearing loss. ' (Columbia University, Mailman School research)
25_Sick You don't call sick unless you were hit by car so severely that you can't walk.
26_Slut Prostitutes were replaced by escorts. Illegal became legal and a new synonym for hooker was born.
27_Gristedes is gross.
28_Text you text, you don't call. Problem: you can text bullshit forever but you can't talk bullshit forever.
29_Vogue Elisabeth von Thurn und Taxis gets her column and can't write. When exactly did blue blood replace proficiency?
30_Freedom It is perfectly fine to have In Vitro Fertilization with the egg of a donor, the sperm of a donor, through a surrogate for a want-to-be-single mum at the age of 50.
End New York is the center of the world.
