swan

it seemed as if over night

she had turned into a swan

he, who was holding her tight

was holding her at dawn

every night

tight so she would not fall apart

her feathers covered in silence

every night

loose so she could breathe from her heart

in her sleep she felt his presence

with each dusk that followed the dawn

he who had already turned himself into a swan

was able to see what was yet to be seen

who she is, will be and has been

farewell he said and one more embrace

chest to chest and face to face

the stains of his absence were washed in her tears

the door shut and gone were her fears

her walk was sublime

was it her or was it time?

my love!look who i am! she wanted to cry

but her words failed to describe

and her voice turned shy

and with the heavy weight of his embrace

she learned to fly

50 Things To Know

1_Make wishes, work on them and make them come true.

2_Do not make promises but always give your best.

3_Be patient. The timing must be right. And if the time doesn't come, it was probably not right for you.

4_Laugh. Because there will always be a reason to cry.

5_ Tomorrow is a nice assumption. Today is a given fact.

6_Love - Always.

7_Be honest with yourself and others. No one deserves a lie.

8_Work with what you have.

9_Care for your closer surroundings. Only then will a paper bag make sense.

10_Listen. There is a reason why we have two ears and only one tongue.

11_Dance.

12_Be humble because life will go on - even without you.

13_Have courage. There is not much you can loose.

14_Eat what you crave. Don't let it eat you.

15_Politics are dirty. Everywhere.

16_Breathe.

17_Life is a rental, it is not on sale.

18_People who make you feel like shit, are full of shit.

19_There are many things we cannot change. Take them the way they are. And if you can't - ignore it.

20_Appreciate what you have before wanting more.

21_Even when you are crawling, you are moving on.

22_Hug.

23_Treat yourself well and people will do it too.

24_Just because you can walk doesn't mean you cannot fall.

25_Don't complain to others. Your life is your choice. Therefore your complains should be addressed to yourself.

26_Treat your kids with respect. They are little adults and you are a tall kid.

27_The newspaper always reports bad news.

28_The three most important words are: please, thank you and sorry.

29_Look people in their eyes. They don't lie.

30_The only beauty that is everlasting and ageless is nature.

31_Music can make your day, or break it.

32_Admit your mistakes because not admitting them is the only mistake.

33_Think before you speak.

34_Help.

35_Surprise the one you love.

36_No one can predict the weather.

37_Kids are born innocent. Raise them well, because great kids make great adults.

38_Fight for your rights.

39_Sleep.

40_Count on yourself. You will always be there for you.

41_Do not hurt others unless you are defending.

42_Be thankful for what you have.

43_If you start with Vodka, stay with Vodka.

44_Be yourself and be your best.

45_Everybody needs a little bit of poison.

46_Kiss.

47_Cry when you need to.

48_Certain things in life are wrong.

49_Bend your principles, don't break them.

50_Stop looking for a meaning. Give your life one.

Sense

The subway in the evening was packed with people of all kind to an extent that we seemed linked , like the cars of the train, one to another. The train was delayed and moved only slowly from one stop to the following one - rush hour as usual.

If I would ask myself where I would not like to be - this would be it and sure enough I am only one of almost 8,5 million others who could easily think of at least ten other, more pleasant places. However, it is the one moment where we are so near to each other that we have to look at each other and see one another - not only is there merely space to look away but also the choices are narrowed down to precisely two people.

The afro american lady had a full round face, framed like a perfect canvas by a headscarf, emphasizing her peaceful features in her smooth flawless dark skin. She was wearing a grey wool coat that was almost too tight, embracing her curvy body with large grey buttons. She was sitting in between her two kids who were constantly moving, her arms in her pockets and her legs loose. The lady seemed so unperturbed by her surroundings , so relaxed, that it was adjoining to indifference.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, it hit me: Life makes no sense. Surprised by my own thought, wondering where it came from and how, I closed my eyes for a second only to look at her again, look at her kids, as if I would be searching for a clue that would at least challenge my conclusion and transform it into an assumption - if not prove me wrong. But even on a second look, it seemed as indigenous and natural as the lady herself: Life makes no sense.

I was surprised and baffled about how absolute this conclusion was and how it had caught me off guard. Still looking at her, I felt some sadness. I knew it a long time ago, but today, the thought that was born a while ago had reached every molecule of my body. Back then, I only knew, now I understood.

And on my way out of the train, I looked at all the people I passed on my way to the exit and wondered if we live because we hope that maybe some day something or someone will prove us wrong and show us that life will only make sense once it has been lived - like an oversized picture puzzle that , only completed, reveals an absolute, unshakable picture, screaming: Life makes sense.

Homework

Known amongst teachers as the great intersection between school and home and amongst almost everybody else as the largest possible detour on your way to leisure-time: Homework.


We thought it was part of school, moved forward , closed a chapter and went to college afterwards only to find Homework again. There it was 'Chapter 2'. And once college was part of our past too, once we started working, even then, Homework sticked to us and became part of our present: 'Chapter 3'.


In our private lives, figuring out who we are is strikingly similar to a school assignment: a never ending loop of never ending questions that need to be answered. 

The message that Homework would be not only an essential part of our lives but also a never ending story, got somehow lost or was simply never sent. Maybe Michael Ende was just not as famous as I thought he was...


The best intentions in mind to make our lives better, Homework can leave us confused to a point where we need private lessons. In life, the private tutor is replaced by friends, summer school by a therapist. The reluctance to deal with it, creates an importance and urgency in everything else. And suddenly we realize the significance of having an organized bookshelf by author and theme. And before we know it, we confess our love for vacuum cleaning...But nothing beats the 24/7 job, number 1 US export, widely presented as 'dedication and success' or even ' professionalism'.


But when homework is in the air, no wind is strong enough to carry it away. We can push the deadline and bend it a little bit, but at the end of the day there is no way to bypass it. And while reflection trumps denial, the latter is what is, unfortunately, written on most people's forehead. All of my friends agree, nothing written on ones forehead can look appealing.

Because life is a constant stream of changes in which we swim, constantly changing too, the easiest way to fulfill this already difficult task is taking care of it when changes happen. At the end of the day the only thing that should be written on ones forehead should be wrinkles of thoughts. And maybe we should simply ask ourselves: Do we really want to keep on repeating the same classes over and over again?

Aristophenes

Who would have thought that a man who was known as the Father of Comedy was one of seven people who came to word in Platos Symposium to talk about the importance and power of Love...

...In the beginning the world was populated by humans with doubled bodies. They were completed, fulfilled - a happy whole. Some were all male- they were the children of the Sun. Some were all women - the children of the Earth and some were half man and half woman, called the androgynous and children of the Moon.

One day, for a mysterious reason, they decided to scale heaven and to overturn the Gods of the Olympus. The Gods were in rage and Zeus even wanted to bereave them of life with thunderbolts. Which he, after careful consideration, omit to do as by killing a complete soul he would also kill his very own worshipers. Instead, he chose to torture them, cripple them by ripping their bodies in half and seperate them. Apollo was chosen to heal their wounds, to stitch them and to shape their new bodies.

Ever since this moment each half was longing for his other half, each one looking for the fulfillment they used to know. It was the beginning of a quest for Love, Friendship and Erotic - the greatest possible happiness a human being could acquire.

Change

Little changes come fast and we are conscious about the change itself happening - like a car that crosses the street too fast and makes us step back and wait for it to pass - we can deal with its little consequences, adapt quickly and react. When big changes are impending, they sneak up on us, slowly. We can feel their presence coming closer but cannot see what they will be. Like going down a dark hallway with no light switch. All we know is that the hallway will reach an end, but we never know when. It is the incertitude that bears the fear. And it is this fear that we need to overcome, that we need to accept and embrace, like a stranger who leads us in the dark. Life will never be friend nor foe. Life will remain a stranger with no face, one whom we need to trust blindly every now and then.

We might enter a new room in our apartment of life - one that is clear and drenched in sunlight. We might even enter a new room in a new apartment that we have built - amazed by the fact that the construction is over. And sometimes we will find ourselves in the very same room only to realize that the biggest change in our life was the fact that we have changed - while walking down the dark hallway of incertitude.

Moses by Coldplay

Come on now, don´t you want to see

This thing that´s happening to me

Like Moses has power over sea

So you´ve got power over me

Come on now, don´t you want to know

You´re a refuge somewhere I can go

And you´re air that, air that I can breathe

You´re my golden opportunity

And oh, oh yes I would

If I only could

And you know I would

And baby I,

I wish

Come on now, don´t you want to see

Just what a difference you´ve made in me

I´ll be waiting no matter what you say

And I keep waiting for days , days , days

And oh, oh yes I would

If I only could

And you know I would

And baby I ,

I wish

If the sky´s gonna fall down, let it fall on me

If you´re gonna break down, you can break on me

If the sky´s gonna fall down, let it fall on me

If it´s gonna rain down, it can rain on me

Love Weather

It might happen rarely, but it still does: we fall for someone and we fall deeply and truly. If we are lucky, the person feels the same way and falls for us too.

In a wonderful private place like that, where two people can create and share their very same deep feelings for each other, not only can it happen but it sooner or later will, that this little yet powerful place gets disturbed by misunderstandings or simply by a harsh world by which it is surrounded. In moments like this we can either run or stay. If we choose to run, where are we running to? Seeing it from a long term point of view, we probably will run into the arms of the next person with whom we will create another little peaceful place - a forest of love. We start all over again, hoping that the sky will always be clear and the weather always sunny. But even in the sunniest spots on earth: if there are no clouds over our heads, earthquakes will shake our feet...

And if we choose to stay? How long are we willing or should we stay until the storms are over? The regular weather channel is often wrong with its prognosis - and a love weather channel doesn´t exist for one good reason: it is as unpredictable as the weather itself. A wise person once asked: when is it enough? And he himself answered: never.

If we choose to stay we need to look at each other again. And the truth is that we look different everyday. And if we run, we simply look away.

If we stay, we try to stay in a little world that is changing constantly just like the bigger one by which it is surrounded. With every new morning we get a new chance to choose to look closer at each other and fall for each other again or walk away until the other person becomes blurry and disappears.

The truth is that if we don´t look at each other closely, we do not see each other at all. And how can we run from each other if we don´t know what we are running away from?

Lists

It all started in our childhoods with a seemingly innocent wishlist for Christmas. Growing up we overcame the legend of Santa more or less successfully and switched to the simple, easy to fulfill, grocery list. Both lists proved themselves as so useful that we created the famous to-do list which was soon to be followed by the sex-list and turned into the my-perfect-man list. Somehow it seemed we ended up right back where we started, addressing our lists to the very same person: Mr.Santa himself. Not a very reliable man, considering the fact that he works one day a year...

The "my-perfect-man list" can be anywhere between 3 words or 3000 words long and its single purpose is to describe HIM in order to let ourselves know what we are looking for, what it is we think we need and, last but not least, what we want in a man.

One of my girlfriends described this list as a female computer program that we install in our heads in order to successfully download a very special file. The better the program, the less chances of getting a virus. In order to settle, we need to swap from Windows to Mac.

This very same girlfriend used to have so far the most extended version of mpm (my perfect man) list I´ve ever seen in my life: very detail orientated, with rows and columns, categories like sports, religion, views on family, relation with close family etc...going all the way to sexual behavior, job, eye colour and even body hair quota and location.

Not a single category was left out. Everything was perfectly planned.

My friend indeed found her perfect man who was everything she thought she was looking for - her list only approved her decision: check, check, check. Barbie and Ken had finally found each other and it was pink all over.

Ken never left his soon to be ex-wife, whereas Barbie had not only her luggage packed but also her flight booked. Barbie was ready to go. Ken too - but unfortunately away from her.

I am still wondering what caused their break up. Did she left out a column on her list? I wish I could ask her about her own thoughts but Barbie left and the pink vanished while I am still here with the list I started a year ago and that I never ended....

There are things we know we need and others we know we don´t want. Very easy compared to the mpm list. For example: I know I need fresh cut flowers every now and then and I don´t want a liar. Everything else is in a grey zone and subject to change. Maybe we should leave it like that because maybe this grey zone is the only reason why there are still realtionships out there. Because maybe this grey zone is what compromising means: settling for something we don´t really care about.

Dear Little Sister

My Dear Little Sister,

You always held my hand;

In times of tearful joy and funny pain, in times of secret pride and endless shame,

In times of loud laughter and louder cries

And even in fear, you stood - and still stand

Dear Little Sister, Dear

Your once little hand, grew big into mine

Mine into yours - a bond truly divine

And loneliness? We never knew

We didnt, we don´t and we will never do

You found me in my darkest room and guided me when I lost sight

Like my own shadow: always and always holding me tight

We walked, we ran, we lifted and jumped - painting our skies cloudlessly blue

You heard me through a gaze, a breathe and in silence

Loud and clear - no one else could ever do

Dear Little Sister, Dear

Taking me for who I am is a love one cannot describe or understand,

A warm love, so honest, sweet and kind

One that I am aware of I was blessed to find

And I can only hope that you, with certainty, know,

And if you should doubt , these words shall show,

That I am endlessly thankful to hold the hand of unconditional love

One who helped me to be who I am

A wonderful woman, sister and friend

One who is and will always be the best in all of them.

Dedicated to my wonderful sister Samira in Love